Seasons

 

This year marks my seventh holiday season with this small business.

In 2018 I found myself looking for a way to turn my creative outlet into something that could actually make me a little money. I've been selling and gifting small batch skin and hair care to friends and family members for well over a decade, but I had started to dabble in true aromatherapy, fiber art, and the reselling of my massive vintage collection. 

I decided to open up an Etsy shop, something I had toyed with the idea of forever. The large company I was working for had shut down and offered me a sizable severance check, so I was able to take a little extra time away from the workforce and get my little business started. It took some figuring out, but once it was setup the fun began, and I was overjoyed. My first year I sold dreamcatchers, perfumes, soap, and vintage items I had been hoarding for years. I started to make a pretty decent amount of money, but even so I went back to working full time, while continuing to create with every second of my spare time.

For some reason I got myself into the mindset that everything I made needed to become something I could sell for a profit, and for a long time it worked. I was living somewhere I didn't really feel at home, and I was in a relationship I wasn't fully able to be myself in, and so it felt like the right thing to do, keeping my hands endlessly busy, and my head in the clouds.

In my first few years I was making so many new things I felt like I might burst with ideas if I ever let myself slow down. I have always stock piled craft supplies and it felt good to be putting them to good use, but no design ever really stuck. I made dreamcatchers with thrifted fibers and bits of old jewelry, I wrapped locally dug crystals, I made soap with wild crafted herbs and flowers, ritual candles adorned with crystals and flowers, and perfume with botanically infused oils. Each new thing I created seemed to coincide with a season of my life, always shifting and changing.

I learned to macramé in 2019, after getting engaged. I spent an entire year making table runners, chair decorations, and a giant back drop, all for a wedding I was secretly unexcited for. Afterwards I continued to add macramé items to my shop. I especially loved the holiday pieces, but as my marriage quickly failed, I found I had lost my interest in the craft, and I went back to my roots. Once I moved I was able to start seeing my path a little more clearly. I missed the perfumes, and the oils, and the ritual candles, and so I quickly made my way back to them, but with a new intention in mind.

I became somewhat obsessed with the idea of growing my own garden of medicinal and magical herbs and flowers, and as my budding relationship with the wolf began to fully bloom, he built me a garden that did the same. For the past few years I've been blending up things that have brought me so much happiness. My customer base grew, and I spent a good amount time in my new studio making the magic I had been missing for too long. The only issue with this, is that after many years apart, the wolf and I had finally made our ways back to each other, and as we all know, times flies when you're having fun.

Somehow, nearly 4 years have passed since we started walking this path of life together again, and with all the time it takes to create, there's just something inside of me, screaming at me to slow down for a while. For the last month or so I've been practicing enjoying slower mornings, especially on my days at home. The wolf bought a small bike shop last year and he's gone on a more regular basis, so I find myself home alone on most Saturdays. This used to be a chance I would take to spend an entire day crafting, but lately I've been finding new ways to fill my time. Cooking, cleaning, wandering around the property, and trying to just absorb the beauty of my surroundings. 

I found that at first I struggled to let myself just relax and take a day off.

I haven't done it in so long. It took a few weeks, and a few light mushroom trips before I was able to start relaxing. I'm not the type to just lay around and watch TV, but I do find it incredibly satisfying to spend a day cleaning out junk drawers, watching the chickens, and planning our meals for the week. Homesteading is a passion of mind, and it's hard to do when you're keeping yourself locked up in a studio all day.  

Next month the wolf and I are heading back to Mexico for a week of warm weather, midwinter.

We gifted each other trips for our birthdays this year, and it just felt right to be keeping that going for Christmas. After a long year of change, and not really knowing what the future holds for us, it seems that allowing ourselves time to just exist together in beautiful places is the right way to welcome the new year. We've had a lot of important talks this year, and while we're as solid as ever, and thriving in our home, we both know things could get shaken up at any minute, so we're hoping to spend winter being a little more mindful of our time together. 

As I wander through my life, and all the seasons I've seen, I can say for certain that this has been my favorite so far. Allowing myself time to breathe, and read, and learn about myself, and the things I enjoy doing. After so many years of the constant hustle, entering my late thirties has reminded me that time is truly fleeting. I find myself telling my younger friends the same things women my age told me when I was in my twenties. Some days I don't feel a day over 19, others I feel like I'm half way to the grave, either way, I'm grateful just be here at all, and I'm looking forward to a year of just existing, and not forcing myself to work. I'll be adding vintage altar adornments, candles and seasonal perfume oils as the mood strikes, but for now I'm allowing myself to drift peacefully along for the ride, through as many phases, and changes, and seasons as I can get.

Happy December, all.