Gypsy + The Wolf

So here we are. Two years in and a lifetime more to go.

The wolf and I met when we were 17. Just out of high school, and hungry for life. I will never forget our meeting, as silly as it was. We were both at a well known coffee spot in our little town, sometime after 10pm. My friends and I used to set up hookah smoking spots outside, because we thought it was super cool. The wolf spotted a not-so-classy tattoo I used to have on the back of my neck (don’t ask, it’s gone). My hair was cut into one of these typical 2006 emo styles, short in the back and long in the front. He tapped me on the shoulder, and when I turned around he introduced himself properly, with a handshake. I was a little thrown off guard. The boys I went to school with were more likely to throw rocks at you if they wanted your attention. This was something special. 

I remember specifically that I thought he was stunning, he had light eyes with a deep soul behind them. His hair was longer and hidden behind a black beanie, very much like the ones he wears now. We talked for a bit, and then without asking for my number, he excused himself to leave. I was a little bummed, but he seemed in a hurry, and honestly, I was at that Starbucks 5 nights a week (our little town didn’t have much to offer back then) so I knew if he wanted to, he’d find me again.

It only took an hour before some other kid on a bike rolled up to me, tossed me a flip phone and said “hey, Calvin wants your number”. I was a little thrown off, but excited. I typed my number in, and within the hour I had my first message. “Hey, what’s up.?”.

☽

After that night, we spent a couple years on and off together, going to concerts, getting drunk on cheap liquor, and creating art. He played a couple instruments, he could sing, and he had a moody, but beautiful aura that I couldn’t stay away from for long. We would separate for weeks or even months at a time, but then I would get those messages coming in, and we would start back up again. 

He was an ex Waldorf school kid with a tight friend group and a different, free view of the world. I was an ex public school kid with a full time job and new found sense of my own freedom. We fell in love, but we both knew we needed to grow, a lot, before our pieces could fit just right. We would write love poems and letters, draw each other pictures, make mixed cds to try to express our feelings, but we were so young, and there was so much living to be done.

One year, I moved a little over an hour out of town one way, and he moved 5 hours out the other way. When I moved back he was still gone. I was a couple years into a new relationship when he sent me a text late one night, asking something personal, and I responded in a not-so-delicate way. I missed him. And I knew I would drop anything for him, so I didn’t want to see him, because I had a good thing going on, I thought. 

I wondered about him endlessly after that night. My relationship ended, and I found myself in a new one. One that would last seven years. Just one or two in, he found me working at a local pub, and one day while cooking, I heard a very familiar “hey you” over the counter, and my knees nearly buckled below me. There he was, as beautiful as ever, but grown. I made him lunch a couple times that month, and then I quit and went to work somewhere else. We never exchanged info. But I enjoyed catching up with him for short amounts of time while he sat and ate the giant stuffed burgers I would make him. I was always so shaky when he would come around. I could feel his energy and I loved it. But I was with someone else, so I kept my distance. 

☽

Years later, I found myself engaged. A month before the wedding, I received a message through Facebook, from an account I was very surprised to see. The wolf did not care for social medial. He hardly ever had an account anywhere, and trust me, I looked. 

I was so excited to get that message. But I played it cool. Five years later, I still have those messages, even though his account is long gone. I told him I was getting married, he told me he was happy for me, and that I would make an amazing wife. We talked a little about the old days we shared, and then as quickly as he showed up, he was gone. Our last message was on his birthday, which I never forgot. He said “if I don’t talk to you before then, have a great wedding and a wonderful life, maybe we’ll talk in another 18-24 months.” And that was it. 

18 months later, I found myself looking for a way out of my life. I felt misplaced. Everything felt wrong after my wedding day. Everything felt forced, and fake. Looking back in it, we got married because it was time, not because we really wanted to. And it showed. 

The wolf found me again just then, and with a simple “hey girl, found you again”  I responded quickly with “you always do”. As divine timing would have it, we were in the same town, at the same time, and seeking true connection. We found it again in each other, but this time was different. Everything fit perfectly. We had tea at his house, and admittedly, spent most of the next couple months in bed. We laughed, and connected, and opened ourselves up fully and readily. We made it clear to each other that this was the best connection either of us had ever had, and we decided to really make it happen, for real this time.

I had moved in with my amazing father after my divorce, but soon found myself spending more time at the wolf den than anywhere else. He was living in the same place he had when we were kids, but it had changed, just like him. Just like us. We walked around the property, we talked about the memories we had there, and started to make new ones. The evenings were always the best. We would spend time gazing at the unbelievable sunsets that happen over the hills near the cabin. As the skies would grow dark, the wolf moths would come out of hiding and begin to kiss the moonflowers as they opened for the star filled night. There was so much magic in the air, and I could breathe for the first time in a decade.

I moved in in October of 2021. It was an easy transition, as most of my things were already there.. He gave me the room I call the Altar room, or sun room. It’s the room you see most often in my stories. After we made the cabin our own we went to work on the property, rebuilt the chicken coop, got some birds, and fully intertwined our lives. We spent 13 years apart, and we were ready to make up for it. After all those years, we had both learned a lot about life, and love. We don’t regret our time apart, and neither of us regrets our past relationships, because if it hadn’t been for them, the good and the bad, we wouldn’t be the people we are now. 

☽ 

Now I wake up every single day in that bed. He works early, so most of my mornings start with a kiss on  the forehead and a sweet goodbye, then when I get up a couple hours later and work my way into our kitchen, there’s always a note. We filled up an entire notebook with love notes our first year together, and now we’re half way through another. On the weekends we wake up together, and along with our dog (well, he’s kind of our dog) we spend a while just laughing, and cuddling up, and being silly, and it is honestly the truest love I have ever known. 

We don’t fully know where the future will take us. We have dreams and some plans. Honestly, we are just taking it one day at a time right now, because we don’t really care where we end up, as long as we’re together. I am his Gypsy, he is my Wolf. He is the Moth, and I am the Moonflower.

☽ 

I’ve received a few messages from women who are aching for true love. Some are very young, others are my age and worried they missed their chance. They see my posts here and they ask me how I knew it was real, or what they can do to find their own wolf. I am not a love guru, nor do I claim to be, but let me tell you one thing for absolute certain. The universe will not gift you a love you are not truly ready for, but if you pay close attention, you’ll see it laying the stepping stones you need to take to get there. You have to be ready to be your truest self, if you want someone else to be theirs, and together you’ll find the love you’ve both been seeking. You have to be ready, in every way, and when you are, your true love will make themself known, and there will be no doubt at all that it is real, because real love comes without a doubt.